On August 5th, the US celebrated National Underwear Day. Unfortunately, there’s still no International Underwear Day for us non-Americans. Shame, really. But since we’re on the subject, might as well get into the spirit of things and find out what your underwear says about YOU!
For gender balance, I chose two lists: one from a men’s magazine-style website and one from a women’s. Neither are in any way proven, scientific, or necessarily true…but they’ll make you question your choices in undies! Here’s a snippet from the men’s mag:
“Control Briefs [ie. Spanx]…
What She Thinks It Says: Damn, I look good. I just have to figure out a way to get out of these and into bed with the lights off before he sees anything.
What You Think It Says: That she’s probably insecure, but she doesn’t have to be because by the time you see them, you won’t care if she’s wearing a pro wrestling belt adorned with ostrich feathers, nuclear radiation and Bigfoot hair.”
What She Thinks It Says: That she knows she’s sexy, she looks good and she isn’t about to let pantie lines ruin everyone’s good time.
What You Think It Says: That thong, th-thong, thong, thong (followed unsuccessfully by you trying to get the “Thong Song” out of your head the rest of the day)”
Here’s what the women’s mag said about guys’ skivvies:
“C**K SOCKS: […] Insecure and overly macho at the same time, here’s a guy who’s compensating for the fact that he has something to hide by barely hiding anything at all. It’s the male equivalent of a rhinestone g-string.”
“TIGHTY WHITIES: […] He’s a real classic guy, the kind who owns a Golden Retriever…likes long walks on the beach and skiing in the winter. […] Then again, he could also be a hipster wearing them ironically. Think those neon-colored jammies from American Apparel. The dude in the latter category may have a wicked sense of humor; he may also have a handlebar mustache and wear jeans that are skinnier than yours.”
There you have it! Your drawers speak volumes about your personality. Though I likely wouldn’t suggest flashing them to a potential employer/friend/mate right away.
You can see the full lists here: